Paperwork Sucks
by Alice Uzumaki
Summary: This is how all the Hokage would react to their paperwork if it were filled to the brim. How would they snap? There's something else to add to the paperwork that adds to the snap, I hope you enjoy! Rated T for a reason! Please read and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


**Ali: Okay, I had to. The thought of paperwork came to mind, then the Hokage, and how much they hate it. I was originally gonna call it: ****_Fuck Paperwork_****, but decided against it. *nods* Yep... paperwork.**

**All Hokage: UGH!**

**Ali: Damn, aren't most of you dead?**

**Tobirama: Just say the disclaimer so we can go back to being dead.**

**Ali: I don't want to.**

**All Hokage: ALICE!**

**Ali: I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!... please don't kill me Hokage-sama... s. Also! There's a little... extra besides paperwork, somewhere in there.**

* * *

_**Shodamie Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**Hashirama Senju**_

Another day as Hokage. Today was, surprisingly, peaceful. Madara wasn't yanking his chain and he woke up in a fantastic mood. He walked to his office and saw Madara with a smirk.

"What're you up to?" Hashirama asked suspiciously.

Madara held up his hands in defence, that triumphant smirk still on his face. "I had a peek in your office to see if you were there... you will not believe what was done to your desk... and chair."

Hashirama made that desk and that chair out of blood, sweat, and tears. He rushed in and wanted to sob, kill Madara, burn the things on his desk, then kill whoever put them on his desks. It was that Kami damned paperwork. It was so horrible, his entire office was filled to the brim with white thin sheets of paper with black ink forming words on them that he'd have to sort through.

_FUCK PAPERWORK!_ the Senju thought, pulling at his hair. He weaved his way towards his desk and saw his favorite chair and wanted to tear his eyes out. Apparently his secretary (a male to reassure his wife) decided to have a little fun in his chair. Hashirama resisted pulling his eyes out as he tapped his foot and glared at the man. They paled and scrambled out. There was only one thing left to do...

~SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE OF THE HOKAGE MANSION~

Citizens, shinobi, visitors all walked by the Hokage Tower when suddenly the sound of glass breaking rang through the air and the ninja looked up.

"Look out! It's a chair!" a random woman yelled.

Everyone scrambled to get out of the way and saw the Hokage's favorite chair shattered on the ground and when they looked up the Hokage stood there with a glare, his eyes locked on the red chair. In his mind he was already thinking of a new secretary, one that didn't use his chair! He turned back around and looked at the paperwork.

"Told you," Madara said with a snicker.

"OUT!... wait, no, come back and help me with this!" Hashirama said after a thought.

The Uchiha laughed and laughed hard. "You're on you own! Have fun Hokage-sama!"

_FUCK MY LIFE AND THIS DAMNED PAPERWORK!_ the man thought, wanting to burn ever paper in sight.

* * *

**Ali: There's the first Hokage, let's see how the second does.**

* * *

_**Nidaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**Tobirama Senju**_

Unlike his brother all those years ago he woke up ready to murder someone. He should've stayed home and gotten extra sleep that day. He walked towards his office, rubbing his eyes which still had sleep in them. He let out a yawn as he opened the door and saw a massive sea of papers and that yawn turned into a yell of frustration as he too yanked at his hair. Hiruzen's friend/rival Danzo, Kami bless him, walked in to simply say hi only to get a kunai thrown at his head... it got stuck in his eye.**  
**

"What the fuck is your problem sensei?!" Danzo demanded, yanking out the kunai and then holding his bleeding eye.

"LOOK!" Tobirama roared, ready for his secretary to come back, though he knew she wouldn't until the next day when he was calmer. "PAPERWORK!"

"I-I better go," Danzo said nervously, running away to the hospital, having seen the paperwork with his single eye now and his Hokage's temper with both in the past.

When the Nidaime walked to is desk he realized that his other male student had a love life. He covered his eyes, a loud slap echoing due to the fact he quickly brought his hand to his eyes with a speed only enemies have seen before the light left their eyes.

"You've got two Kami damn seconds before I snap," he growled. "One..."

"Whatever happened to three?" Hiruzen asked.

Tobirama didn't get to two as the two quickly poofed away after having fixed their clothes. The green chair was thrown into the hall, smashing through all of the walls before it banged through the final wall and went into the mountainside below where the Hokage faces were. Tobirama looked at the paperwork and he twitched uncontrollably.

"FUCK PAPERWORK!"

* * *

**Ali: There's Tobirama... what about Young Hiruzen?**

* * *

_**Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**(Young) Hiruzen Sarutobi**_

Hiruzen dressed in his Hokage robes and battle armour, as always, worn underneath. He ran a hand through his brunette hair and walked slowly towards the office, his footsteps echoing and his heart thudding in his chest as he prayed that there would be a small, very small, amount of paperwork to do. As he neared he could already hear murmurs of another short-tempered Hokage. He was a calm Hokage, he liked to think, not easy to anger... that is until paperwork was added t the equation. He opened the door and he stood there for a second before he closed the door and walked back to his room and collapsed in bed. It was too damn early for this and he was fairly convinced this was a dream.

A few hours later he hauled himself to his feet and went back to the office to see that it was, in fact, not a dream... but a living nightmare. Paperwork everywhere. He walked further in, going through the maze of paperwork carefully and saw that his chair, like for the previous Hokage, was occupied in the worst of ways... granted he was the reason for Tobirama chunking his chair through all of walls, but he didn't understand until now. Jiraiya and a random girl... go figure. He closed his eyes and then let out a growl.

"S-sensei?!"

"Get. Out."

"Just give me a second!" Jiraiya begged, getting dressed and putting the girl back in her clothes.

"One... two..."

Not even at the count of two the two were gone. Unlike his predecessors he broke the chair and tossed it in a fire with thick gloves on. He turned back to the paperwork and cried out his frustration as one thought came to mind:

_Fuck paperwork._

* * *

**Ali: Hm... I doubt Minato's any better.**

* * *

_**Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**Minato Namikaze**_

A brilliant morning. The sun was shining and the birds were singing and there was a light drizzle. Minato walked cheerily to his office, having had a date with Kushina the night before and this left him in a chipper mood. Another Hokage finding paperwork. He opened the door and kicked a pile of papers down, cursing paperwork and whoever invented it. he was happy two seconds ago, now he was ready to murder. He wove his way through the piles of paperwork like the three Hokage before him and found someone in his chair. Without thinking he threw a kunai at his ex-sensei and the white haired man paused.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Minato roared, ready to _kill _the Toad Sannin. "_NOW"_

Jiraiya pulled on his clothes and straightened the woman's dress and they ran out. Minato decided not to be like his predecessors and didn't destroy the chair. He picked up the chair and walked out and set it down on the street. People gathered in curiosity.

"Who wants it?!" He yelled out.

In the end he got 30 million ryo for the chair and was that much richer. He walked away with a snicker at the fact they didn't know what occurred in the chair.

"Life is good," he said when he walked into his paperwork filled office. "Not..."

_Fuck paperwork!_ he thought with a huff as he got to work.

* * *

**Ali: Okay... Minato's smart because instead of destroying it, he got money in his pocket because of it. I feel he did better. Let's go to Hiruzen... again.**

* * *

_**Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**(Old) Hiruzen Sarutobi**_

It was about four years after he was given the title of Hokage once again. He knew how to get done with paperwork and do other things after all this time. He walked into the office and his eyebrow twitched. He knew he'd have to burn another chair. He walked further into the office and saw his daughter with a man. He snapped, pulling off the white coat and covering his daughter with it before he quickly turned to the unnamed, or rather, unknown man.

"Die motherfucker!" Sarutobi yelled, turning into the God of Shinobi instead of the Professor. The man scrambled to get up but Sarutobi kicked him down. "Bitch! Stay down!"

The man tried to run away... again and Sarutobi grabbed him by the hair and slammed him into the ground before he killed him. He followed Hashirama's example... Sort of...

~ON THE STREETS~

Glass shattered and the people below looked up to see a flaming chair flying out of the Hokage's window and screams of terror rang through the air as they tried to avoid it. The Sandaime looked scary, about ready to murder anyone in sight and everyone fled, the streets in front of the Hokage Mansion deserted.

"Daddy!" his daughter groaned.

"Put your clothes on and go to a corner, you're grounded."

He knew she thought, "I'm not five," but he didn't care. He saw the paperwork and then growled, getting to work.

_FUCK PAPERWORK!_ The Sandaime thought furiously.

Naruto didn't come over that day... actually that's a lie. He did and got cursed out and multiple shuriken and kunai thrown at him so it landed around him so he wouldn't die. The kid was scarred for life because of the colorful language and dead body of the man that was on the ground in the middle of the floor. At least he didn't see his Hokage's daughter naked. But Naruto learned a very valuable lesson that day... Come over when Sarutobi-jiji's calm or don't come over at all.

~AFTER NARUTO MET KONOHAMARU~

"I never had a dad," Konohamaru sighed as they sat in the woods.

Naruto tilted his head and thought back. "I think Sarutobi-jiji killed him... if that's the person that was lying dead in his office that one day about the time you should've started growing in your mom's stomach."

Konohamaru's eyes widened. "My grandpa killed my dad?!"

Sarutobi, who was watching through his crystal ball, face palmed his face and growled. He knew that day would come back to bite him in the ass. He just didn't expect it this soon! It was because his room was filled to the brim with paperwork that day..."FUCK PAPERWORK!"

* * *

**Ali: So... I decided to make him snap! I believe he did a good job though. Now let's see Tsunade. *grins evilly***

* * *

_**Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**Tsunade Senju**_

Tsunade was up late at the casino, drinking and gambling. Surprisingly she was winning, which meant something bad was going to happen. She knew this and sobered up a little after that, but was glad about the winnings. She trudged through the hallways towards her office. She opened the door and the door handle was dented and then she broke it off, the metal still breaking. She hated the _usual_ amount of paperwork, why would Shizune, Kotetsu, and Izumo put all of this in her office.

_They're dead!_ Tsunade thought, her amber eyes narrowed.

As she wove her way through the paperwork she noticed that it was pretty much a maze to her desk. She finally got to her desk and she wish she never did. Oh no, her chair wasn't being used. Everyone knew better than that. She loved that chair, she napped in that chair, and it was comfortable. No, it was her desk being violated by Anko and Ibiki. Her eyebrow twitched and the two froze, staring at the Hokage with the _shortest _temper in fear.

"Hehe, hey Lady Tsunade," Anko chuckled nervously.

"Please get dressed and have a seat," she said calmly, since everything was off of her desk anyway she didn't have to ask for them to clear her desk.

The two were terrified. She was _never _calm about things. She got pissed off at minor things, how could she be calm about something like this? Jiraiya walked in through the window, paused and looked at Tsunade for a split second and then walked back out. Now the jonin, both who were masters of torture and interrogation were terrified for their lives. This was uncharted territory, _escpecially_ if Jiraiya was actually smart for once and walked out _as soon _as he walked in. She sat in her chair and leaned back with her legs and arms crossed, though looking like she was trying to get comfortable, was actually trying to get as far from that desk as possible. On the outside she was calm, and on the inside she was _livid_ and thinking clearly. This was a danger that no one dared cross.

"_Shiiiiiit_." Orochimaru had come in to kill the Hokage and paused, just like Jiraiya, and walked out shaking his head with only an, "Mm, nooope, I'm not dying _today_."

Now they were absolutely terrified, petrified, no word could describe how scared they were. Orochimaru, who tried to kill this woman before she became Hokage, who cursed Anko and Sasuke, who did unspeakable things, was too scared to even _attempt_ to kill her. She carefully went through torture methods in her head, carefully planned out every detail. There were a few that would work, but only one of them long term... well, longer than the pain of one of her full powered punches, and that was saying something.

"Your punishment... are you prepared to hear?" she asked after seeing their sheet white faces.

_Ugh, sheet... I don't even want to begin to think of paperwork now_, the Hokage thought.

"Y-y-y-yes Lady Godaime Hokage, greatest Hokage ever," they said, trying to suck up.

That wasn't going to work.

"Your punishment... is... D-Rand missions for two years," she said with an evil smirk.

They looked devastated and heartbroken, their eyes wide and jaws dropped. "B-b-but Lady Hokage!"

"No ifs ands or buts, you'll only get higher missions when absolutely needed and for each of those missions you will have one D-Rank mission extra to do," Tsunade grinned. "Now, your first mission will be catching Tora... again. Now get out."

They did as told and as soon as they left she got everything out of the desk: papers, alcohol, sweets, everything and observed the desk for a moment more and carved something in the desk before she kicked the entire wall off of her office, causing a panic for everyone and she threw the desk with everything in her and then turned around, dusting off her hands in satisfaction.

~SOMEWHERE IN SUNA~

Gaara experienced the same as Tsunade and used Sand Coffin on his chair. Suddenly he heard a loud BOOM and was outside in a minute. People gathered around and saw that it was a broken desk that was familiar, but he couldn't place how because it was absolutely destroyed. He picked up a piece of wood and saw it had writing on it.

'_Dear Gaara,_

_Hello! You can keep the desk and burn it because Anko and Ibiki decided to have fun in it. They're on D-Rank missions for two years. Hope that you and your village are safe and I hope you're having an easier time with the Shukaku since Jiraiya fixed the seal. Happy birthday (early) and Sakura will send the present in time for it. Goodnight (in advance)_

_Tsunade'_

Gaara reread it before he laughed, causing the villagers to look at him funny. He just shook his head. "Just burn this wood, it's been used inappropriately."

The desk that Hashirama poured his blood, sweat, and tears into was turned into firewood. In all honesty after what he'd seen in the afterlife, he didn't mind. Gaara covered his mouth as he walked away and as soon as he was in the seclusion of his office he burst into laughter. This... This was priceless. He put the one piece of wood, the one with writing, in his desk and made a temporary seat out of sand and then sighed as he looked around.

The Kazekage and Hokage groaned and tilted their heads back and yelled to the heavens as one, "_FUCK PAPERWORK!_"

* * *

_**Rokudaime Hokage of Konohagakure:**_

_**Naruto Uzumaki**_

When Naruto walked into his office, he didn't curse, spit, or throw a fit of anger. He cried. Tears rolled down his face at the thought of him doing _all _of this paperwork on his own. He trudged to his desk and wished he could unsee what he saw. Apparently Temari paid a visit... and Shikamaru felt it was a good idea to have a bit of run in his chair (Tsunade took her chair so Naruto brought in his chair) and he gave the two time to get dressed before he set them on fire and threw them out the window. Naruto was even kind enough to throw them to water. He then used Rasengan on his chair and called in Sasuke.

"What is it Naruto?" he asked.

"Burn this office to the ground!" Naruto commanded.

Sasuke sighed and did as ordered. The entire building went to ashes. Sakura got back from her mission and groaned, walking to Naruto and Sasuke. "What've I told you about burning down the Hokage Mansion?!"

"But Sakura!"

"Let me guess, paperwork and someone fooling around in your desk," Sakura sighed.

"The others, save for the Third, only had it happen to them once. Mine happens four times a month!" Naruto said.

"Naruto, rebuild this," Sakura ordered, cracking her knuckles.

"YES MA'AM!" Naruto said, making millions of shadow clones and having them help rebuild the Hokage Mansion... again.

* * *

**Ali: Because two Hokage threw their chair through the window there's no window in the Hokage office, because Tobirama threw his chair through all the walls outside his office the walls are reinforced so when Tsunade punches people into the hallway they don't go through, how Konohamaru came into existence and why his dad never came into the picture, and how Hokage, no matter how calm and hard to anger, snap... Ah, paperwork.**

**Hashirama: *huffs* I wouldn't do that...**

**Tobirama: Like hell, you know you would... I know I'd throw my chair through the walls though.**

**Tsunade: I feel mine was best.**

**Naruto: No mine! I burned down everything.**

**Sarutobi: But you had to rebuild it. I had to go through it TWICE and I killed a man.**

**Other 5 Hokage: *think about it* Yeah/Okay/Good point/True/I believe it.**

**Ali: Who was the best Hokage moment? Hashirama? Tobirama? (Young) Hiruzen, (Old), Hiruzen, Hiruzen in general, Tsunade, or Naruto? I want to know!**


End file.
